Stranger Things Have Happened
by Cherry-Toxic
Summary: Grimmjow returns to Karakura to settle a score; yet neither he nor Ichigo would have imagined it would turn out like this. Oneshot.


_Of all the possible outcomes he had imagined for his great return; this was not one of them. There was no triumphant boasting, no look of despair in his opponents eyes as he gloated over the defeat that had been long put on hold._

_And of all the strange and grotesque things he had seen in his vastly long life (or death as it was); Grimmjow Jeagerjaques had never seen __**this.**_

_"-Okay one more deep breath and... __**PUSH!**__"_

_The scream that resounded around the tiny kitchenette caused the fearless Espada to flinch, his already tense and white knuckles paling further as they gripped the plain work surface behind him. The scream died down to pain cries and wheezes escaping from behind clenched teeth. _

_"Great! You're doing great, keep going..." _

_"Great?" Grimmjow's eyes were almost comically wide as he stared - stuck somewhere between horror and amazement - at the scene before him. "She don't fucking look great!"_

_"Shut up, Grimmjow!" _

_Grimmjow bit back a snarl as the orange-haired Shinigami tossed him a glare over his shoulder from his kneeled position on the floor of the room. He took half a step forward with every intention of closing the small distance between them and clobbering the little gob-shite with everything he had; however another distressed scream had him backing up and gripping the edge of the counter top again._

_"Urggh, God Damnit!"_

_"It's okay. Come on, Miyuki, agai-"_

_"I c-can't... c-crap - fucking shit!" The third occupant in the small room - a young woman with a protruding belly - grasped the arm of the teenager kneeled between her parted legs. "Is... Is your dad on the way?"_

_"He'll be here soon. Come on, once more..."_

_"You've been saying '_once more_' for the last fuckin' half hour, Kurosaki!" Grimmjow interjected, wincing as the woman let out another shrill shriek. "When's this shit gonna' end?"_

_"Grimmjow! Shut _up!_" The substitute Shinigami had beads of sweat running down his brow and was desperately trying to mask his own discomfort by playing doctor and mentor to the distressed woman in front of him. _

_The woman who was currently giving birth. _

_Ichigo had never imagined that the first time he would see a woman's sex up close would be like _this_. And especially not whilst one of Aizen Sosuke's more psychotic Espada – one with a deadly grudge against him – stood mere feet behind him._

_When another agonized scream resonated around the small kitchen and Miyuki's grip on his fingers became borderline painful (even in his toughened spiritual body) Ichigo could only pray that his dad – the real doctor – would arrive soon to take control of this incredibly surreal situation he had found himself in._

_Wait. Let's back up a little bit._

When the garganta opened to reveal the bright blue sky that had his eyes had not laid upon in well over a year, Grimmjow's smirk seemed to double in size. It was not the scenery he cared for, it was the smell of sweet sweet revenge in the air. He had waited for this; had trained, fought and bled for this moment. And Kurosaiki Ichigo was going to be the first victim of his efforts.

Grimmjow stepped out of the garganta with his hands deep inside the pockets of his hakama. Unlike previous times he had come to Karakura town, he had not entered directly into the popular residential area where he was more likely to find that little dipshit of a Shinigami. No he was going to make Kurosaki come to him.

The area around his in was sparsely populated and situated on the very edge of the town where only a few houses dotted the small roads. Grimmjow slowly descended towards the nearest house while allowing his reiatsu to roll off of him in powerful waves. If the little ginger fucker hadn't already felt his presence he would do now and he _knew_ he would come searching for him alone.

Grimmjow landed silently onto the neat, trimmed grass in the back yard of a house, and luck would have it the back door was open. He smirked again, his enhanced hearing picking up the sound of some clueless human pottering around inside the building absolutely oblivious that there was a predator in their garden; stalking ever so closer.

See, Grimmjow had thought this through. He needed a hostage. He needed the threat of harm to these precious humans to make sure Kurosaki complied with his wishes and gave him the fight he promised. And being the hero that he was Kurosaki would rather fight him than endanger the lives of those vermin. He had considered taking one of Kurosaki's friends, the woman maybe or even that short bitch of a Shinigami if she was still around. But after considering the fact that Ulquiorra had messed with the woman and he ended up as a pile of dust, Grimmjow had been forced to pick another option. He'd felt it, lying in the sands of Hueco Mundo after that dick Nnoitra had blindsided him, that deathly reiastsu that bore down from above the fake sky of Las Noches and threatened to drown them all. Whatever it was that the fourth Espada had awoken Grimmjow was in no hurry to repeat the same mistakes and be reduced to nothing. He did not want to tangle with that, nor with Kurosaki's friends.

He wanted Kurosaki and Kurosaki alone.

Silent as a panther trailing its prey, Grimmjow slipped passed the open door and into the house to take a look at the unfortunate human that would be his leverage. He couldn't care less really but the poor fucker may be facing their death – a painful and bloody one – soon enough so he might as well size them up. After all, stomping on pests was more fun if they were loud or annoying, if he was going to kill this person it would definitely be more satisfying if –

_If they can see you…?_

Grimmjow stared.

And she stared.

Wide eyed and terrified _directly back at him._

Well _this_ was unexpected.

"W-who are you?" She stammered clutching a piece of clothing to her chest and inching herself backwards.

Grimmjow did not answer immediately. To say he was surprised and slightly taken back was an understatement. The reason why he'd chosen this area of town was because there was no hint of spiritual energy; he didn't want any interferences. The chances of him stumbling upon a human who could see him were astronomical. This town really was something else. But it didn't mean this had to have a negative impact on his plans.

The woman had backed herself as far as she could go and Grimmjow saw with a smirk the growing terror in her eyes when she realised she had backed herself into a corner. He turned his body to face her, his unusual appearance alone doing all the intimidation. He knew damn well the hole in his gut and the jaw-bone mask that sat on his face was enough to unnerve the Shinigami's; this tiny human must be shitting herself.

He rolled his gaze along her figure and for a fraction his smirk dropped as his eyes took her in properly.

She was fat.

Wait no, not _fat_. Oddly proportioned, like a fucking alien or something. She had a slim face and the majority of her body seemed the same too, except her stomach was _huge_ like she had something hidden underneath that over-sized top she was wearing. Grimmjow's top lip rose in a sneer.

_What a freak_.

She trembled where she stood and that was when Grimmjow picked up on the faintest traces of reiatsu coming from here. It was barely noticeable and it wasn't surprising Grimmjow hadn't sensed it from a distance. It was highly unlikely she had any special powers; she was probably just some kind of freak among the race. No human Grimmjow had ever seen looked as fucking strange as she did.

"What d-do you want?" The woman dared to ask as she squeezed and twisted the material between her hands anxiously. When he only glowered at her, her face turned desperate and the inevitable begging began. "Please… please don't hurt me. I'm p-pregnant, I'm already having regular contractions. P-please, don't… don't –"

Grimmjow quickly lost interest in her stuttering nonsense. He slammed his fist in the wall next to him, hard enough for the plaster to crack and come shattering off but not hard enough to bring the whole thing down. He's save that until Kurosaki got here… which shouldn't be long. He could feel the fucker's reiatsu growing closer. The kid was fast but not the best at tracking and Grimmjow wasn't going to leave him a trail of destruction to follow. No, let him work for it a bit.

The woman was hyperventilating now, her initial scream at the damage having died down to gasps and stuttered "_oh Gods!_" the clothing she had been clutching – which turned out to be a nightgown – had fallen to the floor and her hands now wrapped protectively around her that large as fuck stomach of hers. Grimmjow was tempted to rip open her top –or may just rip _her_ open – to see what she was hiding.

"Please," she whimpered repeatedly.

"Shut up, woman," Grimmjow eventually snarled, her wailing starting to annoy him. "Keep ya mouth shut and stay in tha' corner and I might just let ya live."

"No, no please," she sobbed, tears beginning to leak from her eyes before she tensed and slumped forward; her whole frame shaking as her arms wound tighter around her belly. Grimmjow frowned hard as she shuddered and moaned in pain. He hadn't even _done_ anything yet… unless the fear was crippling her. It continued for what may have been a full minute before the woman seemed to slowly right herself, her brown hair which had been pulled up into a messy bun was now falling loose and slicked with sweat. "P-Please" she managed to croak, "please, I was ab-about to l-leave for the hospital, m-my baby is coming soon. Please l-let me leave, let me call for a t-taxi. You can t-take whatever you want, please, j-just let me and my baby go." She was shaking hard but she looked him in the eye as she begged. Unfortunately, none of what she'd just said meant shit to Grimmjow.

"I don't know what the fuck yer on about, lady. So shut the fuck up and -!"

Grimmjow froze mid-sentence when he felt a powerful reiatsu closing in. His trademark shit eating grim stretched across his lips and he was overtaken by giddy excitement.

Kurosaki was coming, he was close!

He turned his back on the woman and closed his eyes, focusing his energy on his pesquisa to pinpoint the Shinigami. He found him quickly and found himself stroking the hilt of Pantera in anticipation. Kurosaki was in the neighborhood but seemed to be having a little find his exact location. Grimmjow re-opened his eyes and decided to give him a little hint. He built up a small fraction of his reiryoku in preparation to release it; like a signal. _Come and fucking get me, Shinigami!_

However, out of the corner of his eye he caught movement. Apparently attempting to take advantage of his sudden disinterest in her, the young woman was trying to sneak past him towards the door. Pissed because she _actually_ thought she could get by him – a fucking asthmatic walrus would have done a better job of sneaking – he released the built up power with more force than he intended and the woman was lifted off her feet and thrown into the refrigerator on the opposite side of the room. She hit the large unit hard before falling to the floor with a terrified scream. She moaned in agony, her body curling in upon itself as Grimmjow looked on unsympathetically.

"Ya had tha' coming. Shoulda done what I told ya!" He snarled approaching her trembling form and stared down his nose at her. Noticing his proximity, she scrambled backwards like a baby deer unable to use its limps properly until her back rested of the wooden cupboard doors beneath the sink. She was whimpering non-stop now, sobbing and crying again and Grimmjow could only feel disgust. "Dumb slut."

He was about to turn his back on her again when she let an extra-long whine and she shuddered and he noticed something spreading across the floor.

"Have ya just pissed yourself?" He barked with laughter. "You humans are fucking pathetic!"

She sobbed harder and harder in return and Grimmjow was tempted to off her right there and then.

"_GRIMMJOW!"_

Pivoting on the spot, the Espada turned, hand shooting towards the hilt of Pantera again and was met with the sight of his arch enemy and rival Kurosaki Ichigo stood in the doorway of the small room, his trademark scowl marring his features. For an intense moment, Grimmjow was hit with a tidal wave of anger and hate and almost found himself blindly attacking before he managed to regain his composure and shoot Kurosaki his most obnoxious grin.

"S'up Kurosaki? Betcha weren't expecting to see me again?" He taunted.

Ichigo frowned harder. "I was _hoping_ I wouldn't have to. What are you doing here Grimmjow?" He asked sternly without fear and Grimmjow felt his skin prickle in annoyance. Little shit thought he was so good.

"Just came for a little innocent visit," he said with a touch of sarcasm, and the woman who Ichigo had not noticed let out a howl of pain which caused Grimmjow to smirk and sniggered an amused _"heh"_ as if proud of the havoc he'd already created. Ichigo's expression turned from pissed to concern as his attention left Grimmjow and settled on the woman on the floor, her arms gripped around her protruding stomach, legs parted and bent at the knee with her feet stamped firmly on the wet floor.

And unlike the ignorant Grimmjow, Ichigo knew exactly what was happening.

"Shall we take this outside?" Grimmjow said evenly, striding forwards with exhilaration coursing through his veins.

He was slightly surprised when Kurosaki darted towards him but quickly composed himself. Inside, outside, it made no difference to him. Kurosaki was a dead man either way. The tight space worked in his advantage anyway, there wasn't enough space for him swing that ridiculously over-sized blade in here.

He braced and got ready to counter whatever attack the Shinigami decided to start with but was left gaping when Kurosaki _side-stepped him_ and - even as followed the movement with his own body – ducked across the room, closing the last of the distance by diving and skidding on his knees to come to halt next to the suffering woman.

"Hey, are you alright? Can you tell me your name?"

Grimmjow's eyes widened furiously. _Insolent little bastard!_ How _dare_ he brush him off like that! He did not come to this shitty world to be pushed aside like this for some weakling human. There wasn't even anything wrong with her! All he did was knock her over and she was wailing like he'd chopped off one of her limbs. Shit, he didn't make half as much noise when that bastard Tosen cut off his arm.

"Don't you fucking ignore me, Shinigami! We got'ta score ta –"

"Shut it, Grimmjow," Ichigo interrupted without so much as sparing the fuming Espada a glance. His focus remained on the woman before him, noticing the way she tensed and shuddered, her erratic breathing and could only assume she was going into labor. Grimmjow on the other hand seemed to forget she was in the room as he felt a red wash of fury cross his vision, the veins in his temple bulging and murder flashing through his mind. He strode across the small kitchen, hand raised and ready to grab orange hair and bash Kurosaki's skull into the work surface until it caved and decorated the walls with brains. However, just as his clawed fingers were mere centimeters away from that nest of orange locks the woman let out the more deafening scream and Grimmjow found himself jerking away in surprise as if only just remember she was still here.

"The fuck is wrong with her?" He snapped, clearly frustrated and only growing more so as his confusion mounted.

Ichigo sent a glare over his shoulder, silently wondering if Grimmjow really was that stupid, before turning his attention back to the woman who was groaning through her clenched teeth.

"Steady breaths now," he urged her, and was relieved when she seemed to take his advice, inhaling albeit harshly through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. "That's it."

Swallowing hard, she managed to finally meet the teens gaze. "W-who the _guh_… t-the hell are y-you?" She managed to pant between pained gasps.

"My name is Kurosaki Ichigo, I'm…" Unable to explain exactly who he was or why he was there – in fact it only just dawned on him that she could actually _see_ him – he settled for saying, "I'm here to help. Can you tell me your name?"

She squinted at him suspiciously but gathered she didn't have much choice. " I'm _God-damnit-shit… _urghh – fuck… Miyuki!"

Ichigo nodded not having picked up her family name within all the curses as it seemed she was struck by another contraction which appeared to be coming more and more frequently. His heart was pounding quite hard and Ichigo had to scrape together his scattered thoughts to plan his next action. He took a hold of her hand and held it firmly

"Okay, Miyuki, try to relax, squeeze my hand if you need to and keep breathing," he tried to reenact the breathing motions and to his relief she copied him. "Were you expecting the baby today? When did you waters break?"

"Y-yes, I r-rang my midwife about an -_uh- _hour ago w-when the con-contractions s-started getting stronger," Miyuki panted. "She told me to come in… I w-was packing the last of my clothes and about to ring a-a taxi when… when h-he…"

Her eyes darted to where the Espada stood several feet away and she swallowed nervously.

"The hell did you do, Grimmjow?!" Ichigo snapped accusingly, standing up and facing the blue-haired Arrancar who snapped his eyes away from Miyuki and matched Ichigo's stance.

"I didn't do shit 'cept scare her a little. Not my fault she pissed herself!" He snapped. "Enough o'this shit, let's finish this Kurosaki, me n'you now!" Grimmjow began to draw Pantera from its sheath.

"She didn't _piss herself_, you idiot! You probably scared her so much you broke her waters and induced labor; stress can do that!"

"I'll break yer fuckin' neck!" Grimmjow roared and jabbed his finger at the smashed up plaster on the wall next to him, "the only thing I broke was the fuckin' wall!"

"_Dumbass_," Ichigo hissed, "I don't have time for you right now." He turned again to Miyuki, "listen do you have a phone I can use? My dad is a doctor, I can ring him, he'll come straight over and deal with you." _And help me deal with Grimmjow._

Miyuki raised a shaky hand and pointed to the wall opposite her where a small travel bag sat atop a breakfast bar. Ichigo walked over to it cautiously, having to pass Grimmjow on the way who glared right back but surprisingly did not attack. Ichigo reached the breakfast bar and found a mobile phone at the top of the bag. He quickly punched in the number for family clinic and held the device up to his ear, his eyes never leaving Grimmjow for more than a second. It was a tense several moments while the line rang, the sound in the kitchen silent aside from Miyuki's heavy breathing when finally –

"Kurosaaaaki Clinic! This is Kurosaki Isshin, how can I –"

"Dad, it's me, you need to get out here," Ichigo interrupted his father's ridiculous telephone welcoming; the man was_ supposed_ to be a professional.

"What's the problem, son?" Few times did Kurosaki Isshin drop the fools act but he knew when a situation required a mature approach.

Ichigo crossed back to the other side of the room with the phone still pressed to his ear and came to kneel once again beside the bruenette. "I'm with this woman, she's in labor. Her waters have broken and she's having really strong and regular contractions." He was interrupted when Isshin asked for the address. "It's… you know what it doesn't matter, you need to get here _now_. Follow my reiastu," Ichigo's eyes flickered back to Grimmjow, "there's another problem that needs taking care of too."

If Isshin was bewildered by any of the conversation, he certainly did not show it. With a brief farewell and promise to be there as soon as possible, both father and son hung up. Ichigo turned his attention back to Miyuki who was suffering another powerful contraction.

"You're doing good just remember to breath," he praised taking her hand again. "My dad will be here soon and everything will be fine."

"N-no," she whimpered, shuddering hard, "s-shit, damn it. It's coming, I can f-feel it here," she motioned below her stomach to her pelvic region. "Urghh, I f-feel like a need to push!"

Ichigo swallowed hard and felt his pulse pick up a bit as he tried to ignore Grimmjow's idiotic questioning from behind (_"push? What is she pushing? What's coming?")_. He knew a little about the labor process since the family clinic had seen plenty of childbirths over the years, a couple of which he had assisted his father with – although he had done nothing more than bring fresh towels and other such things and spent the rest of the time hiding behind the curtain. If Miyuki felt pressure in her pelvis then her body would most likely start pushing on its own and there was nothing they could do but go along with it. Ichigo gulped again.

"A-alright," he stammered awkwardly and found himself lowering his voice, "you're going to have to take… your pants off…"

Miyuki stared at him aghast as she panted. "B-but you… you're just…a…kid!"

"I'm kind of all you've got right now too," he said trying not to sound doubtful. He picked up the night gown that had been discarded on the floor and opened it out so he could cover her lower half. Hesitantly, Miyuki began removing her loose sweat pants with some struggle and Ichigo was unsure whether or not it would be appropriate to offer help with the task. Instead he averted his gaze, finding his eyes landing on a dish towel neatly folded on the work surface next to where Grimmjow was stood watching the scene with irritation but also curiosity.

"Pass me that towel," he said, holding out his hand expectantly. Grimmjow's eyes narrowed.

"Why the fuck should I?" He demanded.

"Just give it!" Ichigo snapped and cringed as Miyuki gave another howl of agony, her head slamming backwards into the cupboard with a hard _thunk!_ And Ichigo found himself losing his temper with the stubborn Espada in front of him. "Look, this is all your damn fault! This woman is going to have to give birth in her kitchen because of you and I need to try and help her get through it safely. Then I'm going to kick your ass. But now just _hand me the damn towel!"_

"I'm going to kick your -!"

"Towel! _Now!_"

Grimmjow snatched the towel off the work surface and threw it viciously at Ichigo's face which was then swiped away with a curse and a glare. Squashing down his irritation at the Espada's childishness, he carefully helped Miyuki peel off her sweat pants which she had managed to get down to the knee by herself but couldn't maneuver them the rest of the way. They awkwardly followed the same routine for her underwear as well and it was hard to tell which one of them was the more mortified by the entire process. Ichigo laid the dish towel between her legs before throwing the night gown over her knees to at least _try_ and give her a little privacy. Not that it would matter soon enough.

Gently taking her hand once more, Ichigo looked at the sweating and panting young woman in the eye and asked, "are you ready?"

She shook her head, petrified.

"N-no but I haven't got _urgh -! God damn!"_ She cursed squeezing Ichigo's fingers with one hand, the other scratching along the cupboards next to her. "I haven't g-got a choice have I?"

"'Fraid not," he replied sympathetically. "Right when you're next contraction comes, just try to push, okay? Remember to breathe… in and out… in and out…"

She followed his breathing rhythm until suddenly she tensed and let out a tremendously screech as she pushed.

"UuurrgghhHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"The fuck're you doing to her!?" Grimmjow demanded, wanting to move closer for a better a look yet something instinctively told him to stay back. "Why's she screamin' like that?"

Ichigo ignored the inquisitive Arrancar and courageously ducked his head beneath the night gown to see if the baby was visible at all. It wasn't and Ichigo shuddered. He was seeing things no seventeen year old should have to.

"Keeping breathing and try once more!" He encouraged, not realising just how many times he was going to have to use those words.

"Ghhuuuuurr_gggUUUUUUH!"_

"Awesome, you're doing awesome, let's try again…"

Grimmjow watched the exchange feeling a mixture of frustration, impatience, confusion and outstanding curiosity. _What the fuck was going on?!_ _What was she screaming about? Why the fuck did Kurosaki keep peeping his head under that gown… the fuck was under there? _All he came to this damn world for was a good life or death fight; he didn't sign up for any of the shit that was going down now. And at any other time Grimmjow would have said _fuck it_ and dragged the substitute Shinigami from the room and taken him outside for the pummeling he deserved but right now something primal and instinctive told him to step back and not interfere. For the life of him he couldn't figure out why though. He'd seen enough people screaming in agony before now (most of the time he was the one causing it) and it had never bothered himin the slightest. Maybe, he thought at he continued to watch the disturbing scene playing out in front of him, he actually wanted to know what was happening and that was what kept him from interfering. Whether he denied it or not, he suffered from something which all cats did, and that being he was endlessly curious.

"Hey, I think… I think you might be crowning soon!" Ichico announced suddenly, "slow down and take and few deep breaths." He tilted his head again. In all honestly, he wasn't sure what he seeing and if it meant the baby was any closer to being born or not but it seemed to help and encourage Miyuki when he acted like he knew what he was doing, even if it was all a pretense. He smiled reassuringly even though Miyuki looked to be in more pain than ever. "You're doing great, really!"

"How is she doin' great?" Grimmjow asked tactlessly, "she looks like shit."

"_Will you just be quiet?"_ Ichigo raged when Miyuki sobbed at the Espada's insensitive comment and Grimmjow bristled.

"Fuck you, Shinigami!" But Ichigo simply ignored him, offering his attention to Miyuki instead and Grimmjow felt his ire rising again. "Oi, dickhead!" No response. Ichigo instructed the woman to push, then to breathe and then push again. His head bobbed down once more to look underneath the gown and he smiled warmly when he straightened back up.

"I can see the part of the baby's head! Take –"

"What? Why is there a head down there?"

"- another deep steady breath, that's it –"

"Stop ignoring me!"

"Keep this up and it'll be over in no time," Ichigo announced, each push making the baby's head slightly more visible, "And again – wait, NO! Grimmjow STOP!"

Ichigo seized the Espada's wrist and Miyuki screamed – whether from pain or fear was unclear – but Grimmjow had already got his hands on the gown which kept Miyuki covered and harshly yanked it away. He wanted to know what the fuck was _so interesting_ it was causing Kurosaki to ignore him –

"The _fuck!?_" Grimmjow jerked away, disgust marring his features while Ichigo tried not to face-palm and Miyuki cried harder. "The fuck is that?"

"_That_," Ichigo snarled angrily, his face flushed with rage and also embarrassment on both his and Miyuki's behalf. He tore the gown back from Grimmjow's grasp and threw it back over Miyuki's knees. "Is a baby's head. What the hell did you think was happening this whole time?!"

Grimmjow's eyes widened impossibly wide as the shocking realization came to him. While he'd heard that women carried and raised offspring, he wasn't aware that it happened _like this_.

"Wait, this is how you fuckers are born?" He asked, slightly horrified as Ichigo desperately tried to calm Miyuki down.

"_Yes!_" Ichigo snapped exasperated as he wiped Miyuki's sweaty hair away from her face and instructed her to breath. Suddenly struck with a thought, he jolted his head around to look at Grimmjow. "_Why_ don't you know this?"

Grimmjow could only gape, his mouth opening and closing several times. There really was no reason. Despite gaining a broader sense of self and more human intellect when re-born as an Arrancar; he did not regain any memories from his time before his death in the world of the living. All he'd ever known was his name and how to survive. He had been given the opportunity to learn, as had all the Arrancar and some of them – such as Szayel and Ulquiorra – had soaked up as much as their resources provided. But not Grimmjow. Why the fuck would he want to learn at pesky humans and their shitty little world?

"How the fuck was I supposed ta know?" Grimmjow eventually growled defensively and Ichigo snorted. "This shit doesn't happen in Hueco Mundo! An' you fuckers think _we're_ the freaks!"

"Grimmjow, just shut up, I need to concentrate," Ichigo said, wondering where the living hell his dad was. "Miyuki, listen, you need to stay calm and try to relax to avoid tearing –"

"_Tearing?_ That things gonna' rip her in half!"

Ichigo closed his eyes and swore under his breath and Miyuki wailed, _"ohh myyyy God!" _in despair.

"Grimmjow for the love of God, shut _up!_"

"Am jus' sayin'! There's no way –"

"GO STAND OUTSIDE!" Ichigo roared beginning to feel panic creeping up his spine. Miyuki's breathing was becoming more and more erratic, she was crying harder and her entire body was tense. There was no condition for a baby to be born in. "Miyuki, please ignore him, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Just follow my voice okay…?

"I..I..I c-can't," she sobbed, "It hurts… i-it's burning…"

"I know," Ichigo soothed, "but you're nearly past the worst of it, just a little more…"

_And this is around the time we joined the story._

Grimmjow continued to look disgusted and make unhelpful comments and Ichigo continued to tell him to shut up while Miyuki continued to scream.

"I'M HERE! YOUR SAVIOUR HAS ARRVIED!"

"DAD!" Ichigo cried with relief, never having been happier in his entire life to see his bat-shit crazy old man.

Kurosaki Isshin, clad in the usual Shihakushō worn by Shinigami, strode into the kitchen through that back door that was still open, he paused momentarily to look at Grimmjow who, like Ichigo, had turned to see the newcomer when he announced his arrival. The two men briefly sized each other up before being distracted by another loud cry from the distressed woman on the floor.

"Where do y-you people k-keep coming from!?" Miyuki howled as Isshin took over from his son.

"No fear, m'lady, I'm a doctor!" Isshin responded cheerfully before assessing the situation. "I'm going to need you to relax and take deep, steady breaths while I just slightly change your position; it'll make the birth easier – Ichigo, help her move forward and brace her back…"

Ichigo complied and Isshin removed the gown covering her. Grimmjow, who had shuffled a little closer to peer over the older Shinigami's shoulder, grimaced and lost some of the colour in his face.

"You are definitely crowning, a few more pushes should do it," Isshin announced, "on my count now, three… two… one… _push!"_

"_GUUUUHAAAAARGH!"_

Ichigo shuddered. His head was right next to Miyuki's and these pushes were the obviously some of the most painful ones for her. His ears would be ringing by the end of this and his fingers numb after being being crushed in her death grip.

"That's it! Almost there, one more big push!"

"_AaaaaaaaAAHHHUUUGHHH!"_

"You done it!" Ichigo praised, relief swimming through his veins as the cries of a baby were heard and he watched as his father pulled a small and very messy baby into his hands and check it over. He couldn't help but smile.

"A boy!" Isshin declared happily, "Ten fingers and ten toes! And he seems to be completely healthy."

Miyuki was still panting but her eyes were fixated on her newborn son as Isshin presented him to her. She raised shaky arms and Isshin gently lowered him into them, instructing Ichigo to help lean forwards so he could wrap the night gown around her shoulders and close it at the front. She held him close and gazed at him adoringly, a few tears sliding down her cheeks.

"He's beautiful," she whispered.

"He is," Isshin agreed.

"_Beautiful?_" Came the skeptical voice from behind, "it looks like a fuckin' alien!"

"Way to ruin the moment," Ichigo grumbled, although Miyuki was too busy focusing on her newborn to have even registered Grimmjow's obscenities.

"I'll need to take her back to the clinic as soon as possible anyway," Isshin said, "If you stay here with her, I'll go back home, get my body and come back in the car –"

"That could take ages," Ichigo said, lowering his tone and nodding his head discretely in Grimmjow's direction, "and I've still got _him_ to take care of…"

"I've got a car," Miyuki interjected weakly, her voice and body exhausted, "the keys are in my travel bag with the rest of my things."

Within fifteen minutes, Ichigo had packed up the things Miyuki would need or want with her and slid her feet into a pair of slippers and tightened the gown around her before Isshin helped her walk through the house to the car parked on the driveway and got her comfortable with her new son in the backseat.

"Just be careful, dad," Ichigo said from the front door, "nobody will be able to see you, they're going to think a car is driving itself."

"Stranger things have happened in this town, son!" Isshin responded cheerfully. "Give the kitchen a little cleaning when you're done with him," he added nodding past Ichigo where they could still feel Grimmjow's reiastu humming.

"I'm going to go have a showdown with an Espada and you're worrying about the kitchen?" Ichigo asked disbelievingly.

"Don't worry about it; he was looking a little pale if you ask me," Isshin climbed into the driver seat and waved out of the window, "see you back at home, my darling son~!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes and watched him reverse out of the drive and down the narrow street before moving back inside the house, hoping he could take care of Grimmjow quickly. He wasn't sure what time it was but it must be getting late on into the evening judging by the shades of red, orange and pink decorating the sky and the sun beginning to set in the distance. He still had a ton of homework to do and did not want to pull an all-nighter.

Back in the kitchen he found Grimmjow still stood next the counters closest to the door, one hand bracing himself on the work-top and the other shielding his nose from the rather foul metallic stench of blood in the room. Both Grimmjow and Ichigo were used to the smell of blood, having been covered in their own as well as many others on plenty of occasions, but this smell was slightly different and more unpleasant. Ichigo wondered briefly if hollows, like animals, had a stronger sense of smell than humans because Grimmjow didn't just look pale, he looked _grey_ if anything. Or maybe he was just traumatized.

"Grimmjow –"

"What the fuck is _that?"_ Grimmjow demanded, his hand leaving his face revealing a distinct grimace to be seen, and pointing at the floor where Miyuki had given birth.

Sat in a bloody mess on the dish towel he had laid out when he first arrived was what Ichigo could only assume was the placenta and umbilical cord which must have passed out while he was preparing Miyuki's bag and was probably causing most of the smell in the room. He felt a little bile rise in his throat. So this is what his dad had meant by _give the kitchen a little cleaning_.

He was going to punch him in the face when he got back home.

"That would be the afterbirth."

Ichigo would swear for the rest of his life he saw Grimmjow dry heave before the Espada pivoted on the spot and marched outside.

He followed him warily, unsure if Grimmjow was still feeling like murdering him.

"You still wanna fight?" He asked after a few moments of silence. "I need to clean that up first though," he added, jabbing his thumb back in the direction of the kitchen.

Grimmjow sent him a ferocious glare that didn't seem as effective as usual – what with there being literally no colour in his face – before disappearing with the use of sonido. Ichigo felt the Espada's reiastu far away until if vanished entirely; most likely having opened a garganta and gone back to Hueco Mundo.

For now at least. He had no doubts Grimmjow would be back.

He sighed, taking in the cool evening breeze, reluctant to go back and clean up the mess left on the kitchen floor but he knew it wouldn't be fair to just leave it there. Miyuki had asked for none of this. She should have had a safe natural birth at the hospital with a team of midwives and doctors. Not one psychotic Hollow, a clueless teenager and a doctor who shows up almost too late. And Grimmjow sure as hell wasn't going to take responsibility even though it was entirely his fault.

But, Ichigo had to admit, the situation had had one perk. That being he didn't have to fight Grimmjow. He really hadn't been in the mood for a death match today, not with the mountain of homework he had due and especially because exam term was coming up. Some other time maybe. Until then Ichigo wondered what were the chances of having a heavily pregnant woman on hand.

He figured he should go hang around the maternity ward next time he felt Grimmjow's presence in town.

* * *

**Thank you for reading!**

**This is my first Bleach fic and first time writing Grimmjow and Ichigo so I don't expect it to be perfect. I mostly wanted to play with one of my favourite head-cannons: that being Grimmjow knows absolutely _fuck all_ about humans and the world of the living. And so this little story was born!**

**Eventually somewhere down the line when I have a better grasp of their characters I would like to write more of these two (both friendship-y and yaoi) so constructive criticism is welcome! However please keep in mind that this fic is _supposed_ to be a bit silly; my usual writing is usually more centered around drama/action/hurt/comfort (generally just causing my favourite character a load of pain and trouble!)**

**xoxo**

**P.S. Why could Miyuki see spirits you ask? I guess you'll never know! (And neither will I!)**


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